本文写于5月份，前后时间跨度有点大，所以第一和第二部分可能有点违和。虽然当时改了不少，但现在来看仍然不是很满意，要改的话还能改。
然而，我现在难以回到当时写的时候那种心境，也许最好的记录当时的心境，当时的苦恼的方式就是保持它原封不动。
这篇文章看着不是很长，但是由于当时的设备限制，我打字很吃力，花费的时间很久。
这可以说是我写的第一篇真正意义上的设定文，虽然有很多瑕疵，但在我心中仍有重要地位。
The night
Night, a time when people often reflect on themselves.
U.S.S. Exepedition Deck4
In a common corridor, Lieutenant Xan stands by a panoramic window.All illuminations inside were cut off, the only light comes from outside——stars.He′ve always been fascinated by the scene：He are actually among the stars that he used to be only able to observe from planet surface,capable of reaching them.Gazing the starfiled,he reached out his paw and touched transparent aluminium,which is cold,smooth and hard.There’s nothing between Xan and the vast space but a transparent wall.He has never been so close to space, even in EV suit during missions.
Xan just stands there, staring out for a long time.Light from the stars fell on his fur gently.
Feeling a bit tired, he sit down directly on floor(hope those people preparing for pie competition didn’t pass by this corridor) Stroking his soft tail, his thought went from outside to inside.“Eventually you have to face it.”He muttered to himself.
Since the unfortunate accident, he’ve got no one to talk to, to lean on.Oh, yes, he went to the counselor’s many times, listening to her empathetic and sincere words, answering her dull questions, and, what tortured him most, he had to pretend that her words healed him a lot, or he would never be able to get out of that room.Though the counselor seemed patient and persistent as if she won’t give up until Xan’s fully recovered from the accident.He sensed that, amd he doesn’t want to waste time in that room, nor want him keep other crew who can really get help from counseling waiting.So he just answered her question in a way that indicate he is all right and complete OK with his furry new body.Finally, counselor was comvinced that he nearly had a complete recovery and let him go.Upon leaving, she supplemented that he could also talk to friends to better prepare himself for the future that will.unfold in a different way from it used to.At that time, he just agreed and left, feeling finally relieved from the stress: he didn’t wish to leave anything bad in his psychological profiles or let counselor’s sentence influence his job.But in fact, only he knows that he does not have a friend.“Do I?”,his paws absently scraped at his scalp,thinking of all people he‘s had a closer relationship with than just work communication. “No,” he gave a bitter smile and shook his head.Since he aboarded the Expedition, no, since he entered Statfleet Academy, his being over-cautious and social-anxious had shielded him from most people.As for the rest, well, it was not all his fault, making friends does not mean accepting each others’ all shortages.
For the past 8 years, every time he had mental issues, he digested them himself or just try to suppress them.Now he can see he was self-inflicted.After so mamy years, every time he was confronted with a problem,he still tend to evade it and “address later” at first thought.
He thought he’ve matured, being able to counsel himself and cope with any mental disorder himself.He thought he doesn’t neccessarily need a friend in his life path.
He was wrong.
His hidden mental weakness usually does not surface, but this catastrophy exposed all of them.
While in the counselor’s, he was convinced that he could only start to solve his problems somewhere alone, which justified for his choice to cheat the counselor.So he paid little attention to counselor’s words.Now that he found a quiet place that seems ideal for meditating, he still wouldn’t face it.
“No…” he mumbled into his paws.
Perhaps he could just force himself to resume his work like before, but the problems won’t disappear. Once something goes wrong, they’ll have a party, which would be overwhelming.
Expedition’s impulse engine engaged ,emitting an elegant blue light, which lightened the dark corridor.
Xan put his paw down and turned back to outside.The Expedition is moving away from the Tanos System and will soon warp to Starbase 245, where he’ll have to meet Doc.Richley.He was informed that Richley’s an expert in transporter biology, which qualifies him as the last hope to restore his human body though the odds is very small.What a strange name for a profession to be, he thought as he looked through Richley’s profiles.He was convinced that there was no hope to be a human again so he didn’t look forward to the meet.On the contrary, he believes his stay on Starbase 245 will isolate himself even more, which does no good to solving the problem.
How strange, he thought, humanoid , such weak creatures in the face of the dangerous,cold universe, could make space their home.He felt lucky to be one of those who can travel between stars in statships.Just outside the transparent alguminium, endless vacuum with nearly no life,while inside, a group of people passionate for exploring strange new worlds.Starship is no doubt the greatest vehicle.
So…
“You are still not solving the problem.”paws on cheeks,he said to himself.But, at least, he refound part of the meaning of staying in Starfleet, perhaps that’s enough for now.
Expedition went into warp, leaving the stars behind in a “very fast speed”.That’s how 21st century earth English dictionary depicts a fictional starship’s speed that is faster than light and made possible by an antimatter-powered drive.
Time to leave, he thought.He wants to get a drink before leaving the starship and possibly his home.
Have a drink and say goodbye
“Lemon juice, add ice and sugar.”Xan said to the replicator.The smooth surface of the replicator reflected his furry face,which he was still not very familiar with.After a short moment, a cup of juice with white smoke emerging from it appeared on the panel.Federation citizens have taken this technology for granted for hundreds of years that they ignore how magical this technology is ,rearranging atoms at people’s will.Xan reached out for the cup but held his paw back the moment he touched the cup.“Great, forgetting my paw pads’ temperature-sensitivity again.”He thought.“Computer,raise temperature to 4 celsius and change the cup for one with handler.”
Xan’s combadge rang as he drank the first mouthful of juice.“Lieutenant Xan, report to Transporter Room 2, we’re approaching Starbase 245.”He tapped his combadge with his paw and replied “Acknowledged, on my way.”After drinking another mouthful of juice,he put the cup back and then hurried out of mess hall.
U.S.S. Expedition Transporter Room2
Xan entered the room to find that Commander Bennet was already there.He greeted Bennet,Bennet returned.
“Lieutenant.How are you doing with your new body ?”
“not bad ,sir.I am getting used to it .But at the thought of living in this new body for the rest of my life,I still feel a bit uncertain.Plus ,some problems won’t emerge so soon.”He gave a safe answer.
“You will manage it ,Xan.”Bennet patted his shoulder,“I am confident in your ability ,you’re a fine officer .And I’m sure your meet with doctor Richley would help with that .”
“Thank you,sir.”Xan said as he mounted the transporter pad.
“And ,if you have any problems,you can always turn to me,though I’ve never had that kind of experience before ,I will do all I can to help you get this through.”Then Bennet turned to the Chief“Energize.”
With a familiar sound ,he feels being at StarBase 245 and Expedition at the same time,hearing Bennet’s last words: “See you,liteunant.Hope you can rejoin us soon.”